10 Things Men Should Know About Women
by Dustland-Fairytales
Summary: 10 One-Shots on what men should know about women, in the hope that they will learn from it.
1. Chapter 1

**10 things men should know about women.**

**Disclaimer (and I'll only do it once): I don't own Naruto.**

* * *

**Itachi x Hinata**

Itachi was genuinely pleased and content with the choice he had made as he entered Hinata's apartment for the first time. They had been dating for a while now, mostly going someplace where they could get to know each other better, and he had found that Hinata was the perfect woman for him:

She was quiet and reserved, and when she spoke, it was in a low, soft voice that didn't give him a headache, unlike the high-pitched voices of the fangirls he'd had to endure for years. She was tidy. She was gentle and caring, motherly even, and she didn't question his decision.

Not to mention she was incredibly _hot._

Hinata greeted him with a smile, beckoned him to enter and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm so glad you are here Itachi-kun."

"So am I", he replied with perfect manners and looked around while Hinata disappeared into the kitchen to take care of the meal she was currently preparing. The first thing he noticed was the rack on the wall, which was filled with shoes.

Itachi raised an eyebrow but shrugged it off. So she did own a lot of shoes – he could live with that. Actually, she was no competition for his ex-girlfriend when it came down to the number of shoes she possessed. And, unlike his ex, she didn't seem to be the kind of girl to use her shoes as weapons against him, because hell, the high heels of his ex-girlfriend had caused a huge laceration when she had attacked him with them when he told her it was over (The worst thing, though, was that she later blamed him for breaking the heels).

No man, he thought, would ever understand women's fascination with shoes...

"If you want to take off your jacket, you can put it into the cupboard on the left wall", Hinata called from the kitchen.

Looking to the left, Itachi saw two cupboards standing there. "Which one?", he called back, but it seemed that she hadn't heard him, for he received no answer. With a shrug, Itachi opted for the first and bigger one.

What a mistake.

He could hear Hinata's warning "No, no that-", but it was already too late. He had already pulled the doors open, and then every sound was drowned out by the loud, growling noise the avalanche he was facing caused.

Seconds later, all that could be seen when looking at the spot the Uchiha had been standing at before, was a huge pile of shoes.

Hinata sighed. She definitely needed a bigger cupboard.

...

**1. There is no such thing as too many shoes.**

* * *

**Reviews, ideas, pairing requests?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sai x Ino**

...

Sai flinched as a loud, ear-ringing shriek sounded through the entire house. Undeniably, it came from the bathroom, the one room Ino spent the most time in.

"_She probably broke a nail or something..."_

"SAI!" Ino screamed at the top of her lungs.

Said man flinched, This wasn't good...what had he done?, he asked himself, panicking slightly. It was never good to piss off his girlfriend...she was worse than any fury! He should probably escape as soon as possible...

Unfortunately, there was no time for an escape. Ino stomped into the room, her face twisted in anger and planted herself in front of him, hands on her hips. Her voice, though, was remarkably calm when she spoke. "Sai...what exactly did I tell you about putting the toilet seat down?"

_Oh shit!_

"Uhm..."

"If you don't do it next time", Ino announced sweetly, so sweetly it made him shiver, "I will personally force you to sit when peeing."

"But only dickless people to that", Sai protested.

"That's it!", Ino screamed, charging at him. "You are _**so**_ going to be dickless soon!"

That, Sai figured, was the best moment to jump through the window.

...

**2. Once you have fallen into a toilet, you will understand why we ask you to put the seat down.**

* * *

**A/N.: Damn, after reading this and "Shisui and the spider", everyone will think I am obsessed with toilets...which I am not! *lol***

**Thanks to waveangel, simplyme26, and Anonymous for the reviews! The update will come...well, pretty soon, since I got a writing flow all of a sudden yesterday and finished all of the 10 One-Shots - I shocked myself here...**

**See ya,**

**Dustland-Fairytales**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N.: Thanks to waveangel, NoComment, and Music Box for the reviews! Here is number three... Enjoy!**

* * *

**Naruto x Sakura**

...

„Hey honey!" Sakura sounded cheerful as she picked up the phone.

"Hey Sakura-chan. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Naruto. It's so sweet that you are calling, did you miss me that much? I mean, after all, we will be seeing each other at six for dinner at Ichiraku's, right?"

"Ahh...hehe..." Naruto nervously scratched the back of his head. "Well...that's why I'm calling, actually...you know, I'll have to work overtime tonight...so much to do..."

He threw a glance at his friends. Neji, Shikamaru, Kiba and Sasuke were standing behind him, impatiently waiting for him to finish this call so they could get going to see the superbowl.

"I see", Sakura said coolly after a long pause. "This doesn't happen to have anything to do with your favourite football team playing the finals tonight, does it?"

"No, NO!" Naruto denied just a bit too fast and too loud. Behind him, his friends sweatdropped, knowing as well as him that he had screwed it up _again._

"Loser", he heard Sasuke murmur, clearly annoyed.

"Of course it does", Sakura snapped. "Do I look like a complete idiot? It's always the same with you! You always ditch me to watch stupid football games with your stupid friends, telling me you had to work overtime!"

"But Sakura-chan! The last time I told you this was two years ago!", Naruto tried to defend himself.

"What, and therefore you thought I would've forgotten it? You are such a jerk, Naruto! You always lie to me!"

"I don't lie, Sakura-chan!"

"Oh really? And what about the time you _promised _you would take me to the dance and then came up with the stupid excuse that your feet hurt? Or when you told me you actually _liked_ my parents? Or when we were on our first date, you told me you liked to _read?_ Or when you told me you didn't even notice the waitress was trying to hit on you, but in reality you were watching her all the time?"

"I did?", Naruto asked, dumbfounded. "Man, I don't even remember that anymore!"

"Arghhh...forget it, Naruto!"

And with that, Sakura slammed the receiver down and hung up on him.

Naruto sighed. "I guess this didn't go too well..."

...

**3. As a rule, we know when you are lying. Be aware that one lie spoils a thousand truths. Once discovered, it will be stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Shikamaru x Temari**

...

„This one."

„Uhm…"

„It is cute, don't you think?"

"Uhm..."

"Yeah, we will totally take this one." Temari nods satisfied.

"Uhm...Temari?"

For the first time, she acknowledges his attempts to speak up.

"Yeah?"

"I thought we wanted to buy a _car_."

Temari snorts. "That's what we are doing right now, you baka!"

Shikamaru shakes his head. "This", he says, pointing at the Mini Cooper in front of them, "Is not a car. _That_", he points at the Porsche 911 Turbo at the other and of the hall, "is a real car."

Temari merely raises an eyebrow. "Your point?"

Shikamaru sighs. There goes his dream...

"Alright. We'll take the Mini Cooper."

Temari flings his arms around his neck, smiling brightly. "I knew you would love it!" Then, she bounces off to find a salesman.

He sighs again, rubbing the back of his head. At least he saved himself the trouble...

...

**4. The most painless way to end an argument: let her win.**

* * *

**A/N: **No offense to those who drive Mini Coopers - I love them myself, even though I don't drive one (I do drive a typical woman car, though, a Renault Twingo, and I love it!) xD

And thanks to **waveangel** and **Sunny** for the reviews!


	5. Chapter 5

**Sasuke x Hinata **

...

When Sasuke enters the kitchen, he is surprised to see Hinata standing there, chopping vegetables with quite a bit more force than necessary. This only happens when she is in a bad mood...and that means it rarely ever happens.

"Something wrong?", he asks.

"No", she replies curtly and throws the vegetables into a pot. "Everything's fine." She throws him a fake smile and proceeds to stir the pot.

Sasuke shrugs and decides to drop the subject.

By the end of the day, her mood has even worsened.

Sasuke sighs. "What's wrong, Hinata?"

"Nothing", she snaps.

"Hinata."

"Hm?"

"What. Is. Wrong?"

"I told you, it's nothing."

"Sure", he replies sarcastically.

That's when the barriers break, and Hinata bursts into tears. She sobs so violently he can barely understand her words. "ImetSakura-chantodayandshesaidshe'shavingababy,andsheaskedmeifI'mhavingone,too,becauseI'veputonweightandI'm_fat_andshe'ssohappyand..."

Sasuke sighs. Great. Now he'll have to deal with his crying girlfriend, and, knowing her, it will take a while till her crying stops.

Maybe he shouldn't have asked.

Then again...the sex after one of her emotional outbursts is always the best. He smirks. Yes, that's definitely making up for this.

...

**5. When you ask us what is wrong and we say "nothing" it actually means "something, but keep asking".**

* * *

**A/N.: **Thanks to **Louise** and **Sunny** for the reviews ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**Itachi x Anko**

**...**

Itachi stares greedily and licks his lips in anticipation.

Unfortunately, Anko is quite determined.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"But I want it!", he whines.

"No."

"Please, Anko, I need it so badly."

"No."

"Pleeaaase?" He stares at her, wide-eyed.

"No. And don't try to use your puppy-dog eyes; you know this shit doesn't work on me. The answer is no, and that's it."

And with that, she grabs the Dango he has been eyeing so greedily and leaves the apartment before he can make an attempt to throw himself at the delicious food.

_Damn._

_..._

**6. No means NO! No matter how badly you were hoping/expecting/wishing it would be yes.**

* * *

**A/N.: Thanks to kunoichi's diary and Ryunn Kazan for the reviews!**

**Ryunn Kazan: This was supposed to be Kakashi/Anko, but I changed it for you ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Neji x Tenten**

**...**

_Bumm...bumm...bumm...bumm..._

The bass made the air vibrate and the glasses on the tables tremble. The house was filled with people who were drinking, chatting, dancing, and enjoying themselves. His girlfriend, he thought, might have been counted among those who were dancing, but the movements she was making right now were too fidgety and snatch to be called "dancing".

Neji raised an eyebrow at Tenten's twitching. "Is something wrong, Tenten?"

"I nd go, ba rm" Her words were drowned out by the loud music – and the fact that she was speaking through clenched teeth wasn't really helping to improve the perceivability of her words.

"Pardon me?"

"I. Need. To. Go. To. The. Bathroom." Tenten repeated, louder now, but still her teeth were clenched.

"Ah.", was Neji's intelligent response. After a slight pause, he asked: "Why don't you go, then?"

"I can't."

"Why can't you go to the restroom?"

"I just can't, okay?"

"But why? It's just over there."

"I know that", Tenten snapped. "But I'm waiting for Sakura."

"Why the hell are you-"

Neji was cut off by Sakura, who was waving frantically at Tenten and then came over to hug her friend.

"Hey Tenten. What's up?"

"Ah, Sakura, you are my saviour!", Tenten sighed. "Are you coming to the restroom with me?"

"Sure." Sakura laughed. "Actually, I just wanted to ask the same question."

And with that, she dragged her best friend away, leaving Neji to stare after them. After a while, he shook his head. There was only one word to describe this situation from his point of view:

_Weird._

_..._

**7. No, women cannot go to the toilet without their friends. Don't ask why. Deal with it. **

* * *

**A/N.: I'ma woman, and still I can totally go to the restrooms alone ^^**

** Haha, Germany won against Argentina, we totally kicked their asses *cheers happily* Since I am so happy, I decided to update today ;) A huge thank to _Party-in-the-Kitchen, kunoichi's diary, Sunny, _and _Ryuun Kazan_ for the reviews. If you've got any more pairing wishes or ideas for more One-Shots, please don't hesitate to contact me - review or PM me (PM would be best when you wanna tell me your ideas, because we don't want everyone else to know, right ? ^^).**


	8. Chapter 8

„I cannot believe she did this!"

"Really? I can."

"Yeah, it's not _that_ unexpected. I mean, have you looked at her. She looks like a slut!"

"Duh….I guess you're right. Her skirt _is_ a bit short, after all."

"A _bit_? Hell, Hinata, why are you so afraid to say the truth? It barely covers her butt cheeks."

"I wonder how she fights in this attire."

"Fight?", Ino laughs. "Believe me, there are other things she does rather than fighting. I heard she tried to hit on Iruka-sensei the other day."

"No way!", Sakura exclaims.

"Isn't he a little bit too…old?", Hinata remarks timidly.

"Apparently not." Ino shrugs. "At least she picked a handsome one. Just imagine she would have tried to hit on Might Guy or something."

"Ew."

"That's gross, Ino-pig!"

"Bah, Ino, honestly, don't evoke perverted pictures in my mind!"

Ino just laughs, completely enjoying herself. After all, she _is_ the gossip queen of Konoha – it really comes in handy to work in a flower shop, too,

"Speaking about Might Guy….he bought a bouquet of flowers the other day. I wonder who they were for….I heard that-"

And the chatter continues.

On the table next to them, the boys groan, exasperated. "_Women…."_

_..._

**8. We don't gossip. We merely make observations. **

* * *

**A/N.: A bit short, I know...and not really how I wanted it to be...however, thanks to IssaruWolf for the review, and remember, reviews, pairing requests and ideas are appreciated ;)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Jiraya x Tsunade**

...

There was a rustling in the bushes as Jiraya sat down at his very favourite place. He could hear the splashing of water and the giggles of the young women, and he grinned in anticipation.

Oh yes, doing research was his favourite pastime activity.

He leaned forwards and pushed some of the braches aside in order to give him a better view over the hot springs. Instantly, he began to drool.

Jiraya was so wrapped up in his "research" that he didn't hear the heavy footsteps behind him. When he realised she was there, it was already too late.

"Chrm-chrm."

Jiraya froze as Tsunade cleared her throat. Damn, she managed to make even this tiny noise sound dangerous as hell.

"Jiraya", she said, her voice tight. "What are you doing here?"

As if she needed to ask...

"He he", he laughed sheepishly as he turned around to face her. Or rather, her _big_ and _perfect_ breasts which were currently moving up and down a lot, since she was breathing deeply to not lose her temper.

Knowing her all too well, he quickly forced himself to look into her eyes and flashed her his best innocent I'm-so-happy-to-see-you smile. Of course, she didn't fall for it – she knew him too well.

"I'll give you ten seconds to run away, and if you're still visual range by then, I will beat you to a bloody pulp. Did I make myself clear?"

Jiraya gulps. "Very clear."

"Good. Then leave."

Unfortunately, he cannot keep his eyes from falling down to her breasts _again_ (and having some very inappropriate thoughts about the female Hokage). And even though he quickly averts his gaze again, he sees how she narrows her eyes at him and her lips are pressed into a smile line, and he knows she has seen it.

_Oh crap._

_..._

**9. We always know when you are sneaking looks at a) another woman, b) our breasts and/or c) our but, no matter how shrewd or swift these glances are.**

* * *

**A/N.: I meant to update tomorrow, but since Germany is playing against Spain tomorrow I'll have to watch the game ^^ A huge thanks to waveangel, kunoichi's diary, Darkness Within and especially to ThE sLeEpInG DrEaMeR, who came up with an idea for another One-Shot. Remember that pairing requests, suggestions for further chapters and reviews are highly appreciated ;)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Pain**** x Konan**

...

It was a scene of perfect harmony, just like you would imagine the life of a normal, middle-class family living in one of the nobler suburbs to be like:

Konan and Pain were sitting at the dining table, enjoying the meal Konan had prepared and (in Pain's case) relishing the well-earned leisure-time. And, as every good wife would, Konan tried to engage her husband in some small talk. Not that it really works, but at least he is as polite as to pretend he listens.

"I talked to Hyuuga Hinata today", she begins innocently. "You know that she only recently married Uchiha Itachi, don't you?"

"Of course. He is one of my business partners."

Konan smiles patronizingly. "Ah, of course, I almost forgot. She told me about her honeymoon. Do you know they went to the Maldives?"

"They did?"

Konan sighs. "It must have been wonderful there...the beach, the blue sky, the deep blue sea, the heat..."

"Indeed."

"I would love to go there one day."

"Hm."

She frowns slightly. "It _has _been quite a while since we last went on a holiday."

"I agree."

"When was it again? Last January?"

"March."

"No, I'm sure you are mistaken. It must have been January. You work too much, honey. You need a vacation."

"I feel perfectly fine."

Konan sighs again, a longing look on her face. "Hinata said they were all alone on their tiny island. They could walk around it within thirty minutes, and, like I said, they had it all for themselves."

"I'm sure this was a very pleasant honeymoon. Now, excuse me, honey, but I need to work. The dinner was extremely tasty."

With that, Pain gets up, gives her a kiss on the cheeks and disappears into his study, completely oblivious that he leaves a fuming Konan behind, and he is very lucky that she is too fond of her expensive tableware than to throw it at him.

Seems that she has to take things into her own hands.

...

**10. We know men are usually oblivious to subtlety, but, for some reason, we still try.**

* * *

**A/N.: **Okay, I have to admit, _I_ think this wasn't subtle at all, this was a very very very broad hint ^^ then again, I am a woman, and I understand subtlety ^^

Well, there are the ten things...so usually, this "Story" should be over now. I did get a few suggestions, though, so it's highly likely I will continue this as soon as I've got some spare time ;) **Please tell me if you want me to continue the story! (- REVIEW!) **And, like I said before, if you do want me to continue, you are hereby invited to make pairing requests and suggestions for further one-shots and ...well "lessons" for the guys ^^

Oh, and thank to _Sakurakaguya_ and _Sunny_ for the reviews!

Bye for now,

Dustland-Fairytales


End file.
